It was a fabuous night to watch basketball

So the Cavs bit the big one in Boston and LeBron took all of about 12 seconds post game to get that shitty jersey off him.  He and his business team will look at their options.  You know what that means?

I'M OUT OF HERE BITCHES!

So now the question is where will he land?  New York, Chicago, New Jersey, and LA are being touted as the likely options.  Let's examine them in the order of likely chances:

LA.   #1 he's not leaving suckass cleveland to go play for the fucking clippers.  Lebron on the Lakers in the place of say Artest?  If that happened I'd probably buy the NBA package, and be killed by my wife, just to watch him and Kobe but thats not going to happen either.  So chance of LA.....5%

New York Knicks.    The Knicks are a dumpster fire.  Biggest stage in the world with the biggest pile of shit in the spotlight.  Even if they get him and let's say Bosh, what else do they have to help him win instantly.  Remember, if he wanted to be patient, he could sit in cleveland for another 3 years while they surround him.  This is about being an instant contender.   Chance is...10%

New Jersey Nets.  This could be a sleeper pick.  They are a decent young team, good market and they're likely getting the #1 (Wall) or the #2 pick (Turner).  Add a billionaire owner and the whole move to NY thing and you have an attractive option.   Chance is.....35%

Chicago Bulls.   Honestly the only bad thing here is Jordan's shadow and if you're confidant as LeBron seems to be, he'll overcome it.  Let's face it, Kobe was in Magic's shadow too, but he found his niche.  Chicago has Rose, Noah, a few other role players and if they add LeBron and another player to compliment him they're an instant contender.  Chance....50%

You may notice that I am giving Cleveland a 0% chance of keeping him.

Suck on it you punk bitch mother fuckers.  Cleveland sucks.